jokes!

[chris]

if you gotta joke then put it here

[chris]

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

[chris]

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" She said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

[Howard]

Oooooo, thats harsh

[ady]

I got a joke kitch was telling people the other day...

There is this black knight on a black horse......

[sue]

i am mentally scared

[chris]

Sven Goran Eriksson walks in the changing room on his first day as England boss and see's a steaming pile of turd on the pitch. Furious, he walks into the showers and asks "alright then lads, who's shit on the pitch"? "Me boss" says Emile Heskey, "but i'm not bad in the air!"

[chris]

Two old women were chatting in a tea shop when one asks the other: "Did you come on the bus?"

The other replies: "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."

[chris]

What's the definition of agony? A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls!

[cung wi]

oo very good

[chris]

How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Phone them up and tell them you can't come.

[Howard]

lol, im noticeing a theme emerging here. come on... more.

*cum on

[dave]

What do you call a women with no legs getting pulled through a strawberry field? A jammy cunt!

[chris]

A cock says to his mates, the balls: "Right lads, get ready and I'll take you to a party." The balls reply: "You liar. You always go inside and leave us knocking on the outside."

[chris]

Did you hear about the dwarf who ran between the women's legs ? He got a flap in the face and a clit around the ear .